Hello, My Name is Amelia Ella Hope. I’d like to be really open and honest with you from the outset. That’s not my real name. To enable me to be most open and honest with you, and myself, and enable me to talk, and share my experiences, most freely with you, I have decided to stay anonymous and use a pen name in my writing. I grew up in a very abusive family and I want to be able to share my experiences, about that, with you openly and freely whilst at the same protecting myself from that family who may otherwise try to thwart me or the good that I am trying to do in sharing my story.
Coming from a place of integrity is the most fundamental basis from which I want to write this blog. From this foundation I want to not only be able to invite you into a safe space to share our journey together but also create a safe space for me to openly and freely share my experiences with you. I hope you understand why I have chosen to remain anonymous. I want to reassure you that despite the names of people mentioned in this blog being changed the rest of what I write is completely honest, open and true.
Who I am
I am a 45 year holistic practitioner, writer and mother to our beautiful daughter Naila. I am married to my husband Michael and live in Sussex. As a holistic practitioner, I specialise in working with sound, breath and movement combining modalities such as Yoga, Qi-Gong, Acupressure and Voice Therapy to help facilitate growth and change in people’s lives. At present I am taking a break from client work to not only be a full time mum but also to pursue my love of writing. As a writer I use my words, to not only tell my story but also to share my knowledge, awareness and resources, to help and inspire others. I love, in my albeit very limited spare time at the moment, to do photography, to produce, record and perform music, to paint abstract pieces of art, and to spend time out in nature. I write from personal and professional experience.
My story
My story shares with you not only the experience, but also the healing journey, that I have been on over the last 40 years to overcome the effects of my past. A past in which I have experienced childhood sexual abuse (CSA), mental, emotional and physical abuse, childhood emotional negelct (CEN), rape and sexual assalt. I will talk open heartedly, in my story, about my experiences and share abundantly with you the many tools that have helped me to heal from, and overcome, the effects of my abuse and find my way through post traumatic stress, depression and anxiety to uncover and discover the wonder, beauty and truth of who I really am today. I will also share with you the challenges that I face each day as a mother, parenting in the shadow of abuse.
We all have a story to tell and I believe that in sharing the most difficult parts of our stories and the most vulnerable parts of ourselves that we really can heal and empower ourselves and help and inspire others to. It is my hope that in sharing my story and the most vulnerable parts of myself, in this blog, that I will be able to help myself continue to heal as well as help and inspire you.
My story began around the age of 4 when my experience of CSA began. I was sexually abused at home by my mother’s step father. His name was Jim. This abuse continued through my early years, only to be later added to by the abuse that I started to experience at school where I was sexually abused by the school caretaker. For a good part of 10 years I was sexually abused at home and at school.
In addition to the CSA experienced throughout my early years, I was, for many years, also physically and mentally abused by my older brother and mentally and emotionally controlled, manipulated and abused by my narcissistic mother, who was facilitated by my father. Abuse, unbeknown to me at the time as being wrong, was to me a natural part of everyday life…the norm and something that I just learnt to grow up with and accept as being part of life…my life!
Whilst the CSA stopped in my late teens, the effects and so called normalisation of the earlier years of abuse continued to play out in the sexually, physically, mentally and emotionally abusive adult relationships that I later found myself in. Throughout my twenties and early thirties I experienced rape, physical abuse and sexual assault. In addition, the abusive and controlling relationships with my mother and father also continued.
In my mid to late 30’s my life began to change. I found a safe relationship to be in and from that stable base my healing journey began. Whilst I had started my healing process in my 20’s the pressures and demands of university, finding work and starting out life on my own took over and my focus, at that time, was more on trying to find my place in the world. So it wasn’t really until my 30’s when my healing journey really began …and still continues to this day.
The purpose of my blog and my writing
Like I mentioned above, it is my hope that through the sharing of my story that I can help and inspire others. More than that though I hope that in this blog, we will be able to share our experiences and journeys together and create an empowering resource to help ourselves and others on our healing journey.
My blog is aimed at anyone, whether they are a parent or not, who has been touched by abuse
(mental, emotional, physical or sexual), rape, and sexual assault in any way.
Our stories are our greatest gifts, not only because of the learning, growth and self empowerment that they bring into our lives but also because of the opportunities that they give, through our sharing, to help and empower others. The story and gifts of my past I share with you as a gift to shape and inspire the future.
With Love
Amelia Ella Hope